Singles, Faith, Dating, and Community – Part 4

Okay, this post is long overdue.  You can read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 to get caught up.

I’ve been talking about expectations in previous posts, especially when it comes to dating.  However, communicating expectations is a necessary task for every relationship, not just dating ones.  That is, communicating expectations clearly, directly, and respectfully.  At New Life Fellowship, we’ve done a great seminar on expectations that is absolutely dynamite.  You can watch it here.

The gist is that ultimately, expectations are valid when they are

– conscious

– realistic

– spoken

– agreed upon

Anyhow, please attend the seminar if you have a chance!

Clarifying expectations is really about “speaking the truth in love”, which is talked about in Ephesians 4:15.

I would add that aside from clarifying expectations, the ability to clearly, directly, and respectfully ask for one’s wishes and wants is another skill.

For example, in the second post in this series, I mentioned that asking someone out is a skill whereby one must be clear and considerate – in other words, there must be an out for the other person, and there must be clarity regarding what the request is for.

As a general statement, Christian dating can be markedly improved by clear, direct, and respectful “asking out” and clarifying assumptions and expectations.

Now, this isn’t to say that every party should ask for clarification at every moment – that can potentially do more harm than good.

I can give examples, but I think you might be able to come up with your own examples of how constant clarification about one’s motives can do unnecessary “kicking a dead horse”, especially in the beginning of a relationship in which it’s awkward enough to muster up the courage to ask even one question.

Even if the clarifying questions happens between two friends who know each other well and there is romantic interest on one side, it can be really difficult to have clarifying conversations if there is simply no interest on one side to move forward in a dating relationship.

In the next post I’ll talk about what I believe are some common wants and wishes of singles (that I hear about and experienced as a single person) and how we can live fulfilling lives as singles without the constant pressure of being with someone romantically.

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One response to “Singles, Faith, Dating, and Community – Part 4

  1. Hi Pastor Drew…thank you for the informative posts…I do have a question regarding age appropriateness of “dating”. I have teenage daughters and just learning to navigate these waters. I have watch kids in youth group, in High School, Home Schooled…all “date” without healthy boundaries. I got the sense this post was directed at young adults not teens but wondered how to share with my girls tips on preparing for that stage without getting into dating situations in High School. I am ok with group outings and hanging out with a group but really discourage one on one dating as it gets pretty intense really quickly when you add teenage hormones to that equation. Would love to hear your ideas, thoughts ….Thanks

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